Uhm. Everything in my head.

We broke up last August 14, 2011.  Pero kahit na nagbreak kami we still had this “thing” going on between us. Parang kami pero hindi kasi walang label. I wasn’t really that happy about this arrangement kasi ang hirap alamin kung san ka dapat lumugar. I stuck with this kasi mahal na mahal ko siya at ayoko mawala siya sakin. We still do stuffs that couples do. Sweet pa rin kami sa isa’t isa and the love was still there. Pero ang daming beses ko na binalak umalis. He kept finding ways to stop me. Ako naman si tanga na nagpapapigil. This went on for 5 months. Nung nagstart na siya magduty dito na nagkalabuan. We rarely talked to each other kasi busy siya and busy na rin ako. We texted sometimes pero it wasn’t the same as before. Ibang iba na yung feeling. Parang ibang tao na katext ko. Hindi na siya yung taong minahal ko. He was becoming a stranger to me. And it hurts so bad. I knew what I had to do.

Last Feb 21, I did what I had to do. At first, nagkwentuhan kami. Ang saya nga actually. Dun ko lang narealize kung gano ko siya namiss. We kissed and hugged then he said “I love you.” I said, “I love you too.” Tapos sabi niya “Ikaw lang sinasabihan ko niyan.” For some reason that I don’t know, I believe him. 

I told him that that will be the last we’ll ever talk or see each other again. (Not really last pero it will be long time bago ulit kami magkita/mag-usap. I need time.) He said I love you again then I started crying. It was really hard. Pero kailangan na eh. 

Nung sinabi niya na “Sorry kulang yung one year para mapasaya kita.”, di ako nakasagot. Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak kasi kahit sa dinami rami ng away namin at sa daming beses na naiyak ako dahil sakanya, sobra sobrang happiness parin ang  nabigay niya sakin.

So now my friends are telling me ilabas ko na lang lahat ng luha ko then after that ienjoy ko na lang buhay ko. I’m still in the process. I am enjoying my life but the tears still come at the end of the day. I know sooner or later I’ll be okay.  Like what one of my friends said “Kung kayo, kayo.” I still love him. So much. And I always will. He will always have a special place in my heart. Kung kami, kami. Yan na ang lagi kong tatandaan.

So, Paul Villanueva, I love you. Thanks for changing my life. :)